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Jett Superior laid this on you on || April 5, 2011 || 9:06 am

Oh y’all. Sometime a while back I was reading the comments on a friend’s site (the post was a screed about  the lack of blowjobs in modern society or something) and in those comments was a short, patient and to the point blurb. Said blurb communicated, in essence, that ‘Hey, it’s totally worth the time and the effort to wipe instead of shake after you go pee, because that makes your penis more palatable to a woman. Also? Manscape it up a little, der.’  The poster’s name was every bit as fanciful and intriguing as his advice: It was Mayopie. Right there in those comments I declared him my Internet Boyfriend and have loved him ever since. He’s hilarious (but like this: HILAAAARIOUS) and passionate and really kind-hearted. Mayopie has a temper that is amazing to behold, and we all know I love a good righteous lather. He can string together words in a way that causes a confused puppy tilt to grace your head, because you’re all, ‘We were just talking about chainsaws and now we’re at Baryshnikov and holy shit, it all makes sense.’

I’m kind of stupid.  I have this problem where I fantasize about how cool it would be to have certain things and then I find a way to have them. In the last twenty years, I’ve owned 37 cars, 8 motorcycles (have 2 now), several boats (3, 2 are tiny) and a couple of utility trailers. In other words, I’ve spent every dime I’ve ever made on stuff I’ve gotten rid of shortly after I received it, have very few things left and have even less money. But when you and I are driving down the road together and you say, “Those are cool cars,” I can probably say, “Yeah, I had one of those.”

Please don’t mistake this for bragging. I am a moron. I bought an El Camino once, parked it, a mouse moved in and I gave it to him. “Ralph’s El Camino” became its name, before it was towed away by a guy who said he could sell it for me and I never heard from him again. This is not the stuff of bragging, but more of hanging your head in pitiful shame. But then…

I hopped on craigslist the other day as I often do, again, because I am born from dimness. I don’t have much money nowadays, but what I do have I still like to spend frivolously on things I don’t need but have always wanted. My thinking is usually quite rational. If I had to put it into words, I’d say it’s something like, “I want that. La la la la… gonna buy that thing…. La la la la.”

And there she was. A vision, really.  A beacon of desire.  Exactly what I’ve wanted FOREVER and have never been able to find. Something I probably won’t use at all, but something I will always think about using. Something that the idea of having is actually way cooler than having.

When I saw the price, I thought it was a misprint. I thought there was no way it was still available, as I know values there disappear quickly. But the ad had only been up for ten minutes and I gave it a shot.

A few minutes later, I was driving to the middle of nowhere to pick up my 1966 Mini Travel Trailer. Can I get an AHHHH YEAHHHHH? (Deep voice, please.) Yeah.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t exactly as advertised. Leaking, missing about 6 windows, ceiling coming down… all after having been told on the phone it didn’t leak at all. Well, this isn’t the first time I’ve showed up, felt that I’ve been completely mislead, stood there looking angry and defiant then bought it anyway.

Normally when I buy something, I call all my friends and family and let them know. I can usually hear their eyes rolling over the phone. Kind of a swishy sound. But this time, they all seemed excited. It was weird. This one seemed different.

In the last year I’ve made a lot of changes. I made a major career change and now I write, restore and sell antiques and have started doing a lot of things I never thought I could do before. One of those things is now replacing glass and leak-proofing camper ceilings. Can I get an AHHHH YEAHHH? Yeah.

Three days later, all windows have been replaced. The ceiling and moldy insulation have been removed. The rotted girders have been replaced and the leaky roof sealed. What’s left is merely cosmetic and can be completed for a cost of about $50.00-$100.00, including curtains, cushions, etc. Add a coat of baby blue paint and in a couple of weeks you’ll see a fully restored, leak proof vintage mini camper that will sit unused in my driveway.

If there’s a point to all of this, it’s this: I popped on twitter and saw Jett talking to someone else about some kind of festival happening in… Alabama, I think? Not too far away, and though “festival” denotes the congregation of more people than me and one other person, Jett said I should go and I considered it. And ever since, when I look at “Sweetness” (that’s the camper’s name), I think how cool it would be to be chilling out with Jett at a festival, hanging inside my camper and her saying, “We should go probably go outside,” and me saying, “Yeah. Probably. You go ahead. I just have to pee,” then locking the door behind her.

Jett is one of my favorite people. You can just tell when someone’s genuine and not trying to manipulate your perception of their character. With Jett, you get what you see, and what you see is a person with a golden heart. For me, she’s been a source of great wisdom and when she asked for a birthday post, I jumped on it. Because not only do I want her to have the best birthday ever, I want her and everyone to know that I think the world of her.

Happy Birthday, Jett. I hope you get everything you’ve ever wanted.

7 worked it out »

  1. Jett Superior 4.5.2011

    So far so good, Clay. >:o)

    Thank you.

  2. Laurie 4.5.2011

    You’re two of my favorite people that I’ve never met and this was beautiful.

  3. Deb Rox 4.7.2011

    How much you want for it?

  4. Jett Superior 4.8.2011


  5. EarnestGirl 4.8.2011

    Person with a golden heart. Yep. I can see it all the way to Canada.

    Happy Birthday gorgeous.

  6. leel 4.9.2011

    that was great. i hope that camper funfest does happen one day. happy happy jett!

  7. dufmanno 4.11.2011

    First let’s talk about the sheer joy of the freedom afforded by cruising down the boulevard in an El Camino.
    Then let us say a loud happy birthday to one Jett Superior who seemingly has no equal.
    Now it’s time to unearth that rock and roll army of the undead to properly ring this day in.
    Strummer waves from over the hazy life death divide…..


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